I can't remember what all I said about the one niece that is giving
so many issues over my mom's stuff, so will just start somewhat from
November again.
Or really even last April. Maybe even before! My step-dad died in 1986 and at that time, the house we grew up in that he & Mama bought in October 1963 before my sister & the next younger sibling was born in November 1963, was paid off by a mortgage insurance. If my mother had left well enough alone, her home would have been debt free. To her credit, at least she didn't add any of the multiple men she married in the last 23 years to the deed of the house, but she did remortgage it. And it is terribly run down & in a very poor, bad part of town. According to the tax department at the courthouse, the house & I believe 2 city lots, is valued at just over $5,800. Yes, hundreds, not thousands.
So following the seeming family tradition of playing one person against another, she evidently used it as a bargaining chip with various family members over the years. Even going so far as to threaten to put one of the children that my oldest brother's wife had with another man on as co-owner. Instead in April 2009 she finally took the house out of hers & Daddy's name & put it into hers & my sister's oldest natural daughter's name. Supposedly the plan is that the granddaughter will then at some stage, add her daughter who is just over a year old now onto the deed so that it will pass on down to her. Personally, if a major amount of money were not put into the house, I don't think it will stand long enough for that child to grow up!
Anyway, we had my mom's funeral on Wednesday, November 18, 2009 then on Saturday November 21, 2009 several of us gathered at my oldest daughter's house to have a Thanksgiving dinner together. My daughter invited basically all of my siblings & their children to her house - which I really wasn't sure I was ready for after all the years of self-imposed estrangement. But my sister with her 2 youngest children, her step-daughter's family of 5 & her oldest natural daughter's family of 4 arrived at staggered times. I had been working on gathering information about my mom's finances as my siblings said they wanted me to do, changing the mail to my home, turning off telephone, cellphone, etc. I found out about the cellphone for instance when I heard that the oldest natural daughter's s/o had been found using it not once, but twice since my mom's death. And I did notice on the phone bill that came in after her death, that there were long distance calls made - after her death - from the phone! So anyway, as we were sitting there, I asked questions & handed out print-outs of what I had been doing. This included the information that I had changed the address for mail to my address. And telling the granddaughter who was now to be the owner of the house, that the utilities needed to be changed into her name asap. Told her I would give her until the end of the following week, which was Thanksgiving week.
So I kind of stood back & waited. I kept hearing that maybe my mom had really followed through & had gotten some life insurance that would maybe pay out. At this point, the only money that had been available was a burial policy for $3,000 that I had been paying on myself for 23 years. One that my mother had always claimed to think I was trying to get rich off of & had even at one point tried to get me to turn over to her to pay. But I refused since I wanted to make sure that the money was there & that the premiums were never dropped. So finally one day my sister's daughter called me at work crying, saying that there was a policy that my mom had been paying on & that if she had lived until next month - April 2010, it would have paid out $10,000, but that since she hadn't, it was only going to pay back the premiums and that she & my youngest brother's oldest daughter were listed as the beneficiaries. My sister also told me that she had told her daughter that she should call me about this & that she could trust me even before she could trust her. So I promised not to say anything about it. Then a few days later, I remembered that I hadn't checked again about whether the utilities had been changed into her name. According to what I was told the day before the Thanksgiving dinner at my daughter's, all she needed to do was to call them, give them her driver's license #, her name, etc. and they would change the billing name on the account to hers & then bill her the deposits over 4 months. And since the mortgage on the house was only $121.51 a month & I am sure she is paying a minimum of $350 a month, it shouldn't have been an issue of affording it. She kept telling me that she would have to pay reconnect fees - wouldn't listen when I tried telling her that since it was still connected, there would be no reconnect fees. Finally, about 3 weeks after my mom's death or 1 week after the original deadline to turn things into her name, I asked again about it. She ended up angry at me, cursed at me, told me to never contact her again & then hung up on me. So I called & arranged for all the utilities to be turned off the following day. To me, it made no sense when there was no money in the estate, to keep wracking up the bills in my mom's name. And I had told her I would do that not long before she hung up on me.
So a couple weeks later, I drove by, there were lights on in the house, so I assumed she had finally gotten the message & took care of hooking it all up in her name & since she had been stupid, was actually having to pay reconnect fees. Turns out the only thing they seem to have turned on was the lights & maybe the water. They did not turn back on the gas & the house has gas heat. They evidently also didn't put in any kind of electric space heaters - so during a long cold snap, the water pipes all froze! And burst! So I have been told they have been going through the house - or at least my sister & her dh were - and replacing water pipes. All of them! Now yesterday my sister sent me a text that the gas man had told her that she will have to replace all the gas pipes in the house before they will turn the gas on!
When I changed the mail to my house November 21, 2009, I was told that if any of my siblings contested the address change that someone would need to be declared executor, but that in the meantime, they would take a copy of where I had paid the bill for the funeral as proof that I was being the person in charge. In late December I got a phone call from the post master that this granddaughter had called & claimed to not know why they weren't getting my mom's mail at my mom's house and that when she was told I had put in a change of address, she claimed I didn't have a right to do that (remember she had been told along with my sister on November 21, 2009 that I had done this & I had called my 2 brothers who weren't there to let them know - there are only 4 siblings!). So he said that he didn't even have to tell me that they were going to start holding the mail until an executor was appointed. Now how a granddaughter, whose mother is 1 of 4 siblings that all are still alive, can cause an issue on this, I don't understand! But he swears she has the right to do so. So since I was already going to see a lawyer about forcing her to give me things that should belong only to me, I told him I would ask about that. I was told by the lawyer that first off it would run about $2,000 to file & be appointed executor (of an estate of less than $10,000 - if you included the house that was mortgaged for more than it's tax roll value) and that to do so would probably make the judge angry to have to be dealing with such a thing. But that if need be, we could do it & the $2,000 would be charged against the estate (?????). Some things were still getting through, but not all. I have some paperwork that said there might be some refunds coming, I know of at least 1 refund check that was sent to that address, but because of this issue, none of it is coming through - they won't release it at this point without either an executor or a notarized statement between me & this granddaughter saying there is no issue. She won't sign it & I won't sign it unless the other 3 siblings say they want the mail to go to her - I don't think she has any right or need for the mail! If I was to get it, I would try to use all refunds to pay off the balance of the bills from my mom's home. If she was to get it, I am sure she would use it for her own wants & say to heck with my mom's bills. The other 3 siblings have not said they want it to go to her!
But I realized that in February I did not get the mortgage statement! I called about it & found that even though it had been changed to my address previously & when I got it, I always redirected it to this granddaughter, she had had them change it to her address! A part of me wants to make an issue of that - first off, she stopped the rest of my mom's mail, so why should she be able to get this mail! And another part of me takes issue at her being able to change something that was addressed to my address to her own - even though supposedly she is paying it. So far I have said that I won't contest it, but a part of me wants to contest it & tell her that if she will release the rest of the mail, then she can keep this going to her house. I have told the mortgage company that I will not pay any of the payments, but that I want to be notified if she fail to make the payments! They have told me that if she fails to make 2 payments, they will start repossession on the house.
Personally, if it were one of my children creating these issues I would be stepping in & telling them they had to stop, straighten it out & keep themselves out of something that was none of their concern. But my sister has never forced her children to do anything they don't want & that is the biggest thing that is frustrating me! I just feel so frustrated that no one is telling her where to get off! And really, they aren't the ones dealing with the issues that she has created. Just this week, I got a collection agency letter about a payday loan for $600 that they say is severely overdue. Well, because of the mail stoppage, I hadn't even known about the payday loan! How the collection agency got my address to mail this directly to my address in my mom's name, I don't know, but they did. This item in particular has brought it to a point that I know my mom's bills are not all going to be paid! Which means that the companies that are owed the money will not be really absorbing the costs - they will pass it on to everyone else that they deal with! But since I am not willing to pay more than $3,000 until all 3 of my siblings have also each paid $3,000 & at this point I have only gotten $20 from 1 of my siblings - there is no chance! I have just under $300 and am waiting on $43 from the car insurance company who mailed 1 check to my mom's address, but were supposed to stop payment on that check & reissue it to be mailed to me & then I can pay the gas, water, telephone & cellphone bills. The electric has already gone to collections & after I called to tell them that she was dead, they haven't contacted me anymore for it.
The niece's s/o has made comments about how he would like to punch me in the face if he ever sees me out anywhere (my lawyer has notes on that!) and they have made comments about how it is all my fault that they are having all these financial issues, I think the gas pipes is one more thing where this niece is being given a major lesson in homeownership & biting the hand that tries to help you! And even though I know they will add this to the list of why they hate me, I don't care! She will never get another chance at being a part of my life!
And to add to the drama - she has found out that she is expecting her 3rd child! He doesn't work. She doesn't work (worked 2 days at Wal-mart & quit!) Don't have any idea where they are getting their money & really don't want to know since I am sure it is illegal. I am sure some is coming from the state since they aren't married. And like I told my sister yesterday - after my sister said she didn't need to be having another child - I have my own opinions of having babies & maturity - but I will keep those to myself! But I do think she is reaping what she has sewn!
Or really even last April. Maybe even before! My step-dad died in 1986 and at that time, the house we grew up in that he & Mama bought in October 1963 before my sister & the next younger sibling was born in November 1963, was paid off by a mortgage insurance. If my mother had left well enough alone, her home would have been debt free. To her credit, at least she didn't add any of the multiple men she married in the last 23 years to the deed of the house, but she did remortgage it. And it is terribly run down & in a very poor, bad part of town. According to the tax department at the courthouse, the house & I believe 2 city lots, is valued at just over $5,800. Yes, hundreds, not thousands.
So following the seeming family tradition of playing one person against another, she evidently used it as a bargaining chip with various family members over the years. Even going so far as to threaten to put one of the children that my oldest brother's wife had with another man on as co-owner. Instead in April 2009 she finally took the house out of hers & Daddy's name & put it into hers & my sister's oldest natural daughter's name. Supposedly the plan is that the granddaughter will then at some stage, add her daughter who is just over a year old now onto the deed so that it will pass on down to her. Personally, if a major amount of money were not put into the house, I don't think it will stand long enough for that child to grow up!
Anyway, we had my mom's funeral on Wednesday, November 18, 2009 then on Saturday November 21, 2009 several of us gathered at my oldest daughter's house to have a Thanksgiving dinner together. My daughter invited basically all of my siblings & their children to her house - which I really wasn't sure I was ready for after all the years of self-imposed estrangement. But my sister with her 2 youngest children, her step-daughter's family of 5 & her oldest natural daughter's family of 4 arrived at staggered times. I had been working on gathering information about my mom's finances as my siblings said they wanted me to do, changing the mail to my home, turning off telephone, cellphone, etc. I found out about the cellphone for instance when I heard that the oldest natural daughter's s/o had been found using it not once, but twice since my mom's death. And I did notice on the phone bill that came in after her death, that there were long distance calls made - after her death - from the phone! So anyway, as we were sitting there, I asked questions & handed out print-outs of what I had been doing. This included the information that I had changed the address for mail to my address. And telling the granddaughter who was now to be the owner of the house, that the utilities needed to be changed into her name asap. Told her I would give her until the end of the following week, which was Thanksgiving week.
So I kind of stood back & waited. I kept hearing that maybe my mom had really followed through & had gotten some life insurance that would maybe pay out. At this point, the only money that had been available was a burial policy for $3,000 that I had been paying on myself for 23 years. One that my mother had always claimed to think I was trying to get rich off of & had even at one point tried to get me to turn over to her to pay. But I refused since I wanted to make sure that the money was there & that the premiums were never dropped. So finally one day my sister's daughter called me at work crying, saying that there was a policy that my mom had been paying on & that if she had lived until next month - April 2010, it would have paid out $10,000, but that since she hadn't, it was only going to pay back the premiums and that she & my youngest brother's oldest daughter were listed as the beneficiaries. My sister also told me that she had told her daughter that she should call me about this & that she could trust me even before she could trust her. So I promised not to say anything about it. Then a few days later, I remembered that I hadn't checked again about whether the utilities had been changed into her name. According to what I was told the day before the Thanksgiving dinner at my daughter's, all she needed to do was to call them, give them her driver's license #, her name, etc. and they would change the billing name on the account to hers & then bill her the deposits over 4 months. And since the mortgage on the house was only $121.51 a month & I am sure she is paying a minimum of $350 a month, it shouldn't have been an issue of affording it. She kept telling me that she would have to pay reconnect fees - wouldn't listen when I tried telling her that since it was still connected, there would be no reconnect fees. Finally, about 3 weeks after my mom's death or 1 week after the original deadline to turn things into her name, I asked again about it. She ended up angry at me, cursed at me, told me to never contact her again & then hung up on me. So I called & arranged for all the utilities to be turned off the following day. To me, it made no sense when there was no money in the estate, to keep wracking up the bills in my mom's name. And I had told her I would do that not long before she hung up on me.
So a couple weeks later, I drove by, there were lights on in the house, so I assumed she had finally gotten the message & took care of hooking it all up in her name & since she had been stupid, was actually having to pay reconnect fees. Turns out the only thing they seem to have turned on was the lights & maybe the water. They did not turn back on the gas & the house has gas heat. They evidently also didn't put in any kind of electric space heaters - so during a long cold snap, the water pipes all froze! And burst! So I have been told they have been going through the house - or at least my sister & her dh were - and replacing water pipes. All of them! Now yesterday my sister sent me a text that the gas man had told her that she will have to replace all the gas pipes in the house before they will turn the gas on!
When I changed the mail to my house November 21, 2009, I was told that if any of my siblings contested the address change that someone would need to be declared executor, but that in the meantime, they would take a copy of where I had paid the bill for the funeral as proof that I was being the person in charge. In late December I got a phone call from the post master that this granddaughter had called & claimed to not know why they weren't getting my mom's mail at my mom's house and that when she was told I had put in a change of address, she claimed I didn't have a right to do that (remember she had been told along with my sister on November 21, 2009 that I had done this & I had called my 2 brothers who weren't there to let them know - there are only 4 siblings!). So he said that he didn't even have to tell me that they were going to start holding the mail until an executor was appointed. Now how a granddaughter, whose mother is 1 of 4 siblings that all are still alive, can cause an issue on this, I don't understand! But he swears she has the right to do so. So since I was already going to see a lawyer about forcing her to give me things that should belong only to me, I told him I would ask about that. I was told by the lawyer that first off it would run about $2,000 to file & be appointed executor (of an estate of less than $10,000 - if you included the house that was mortgaged for more than it's tax roll value) and that to do so would probably make the judge angry to have to be dealing with such a thing. But that if need be, we could do it & the $2,000 would be charged against the estate (?????). Some things were still getting through, but not all. I have some paperwork that said there might be some refunds coming, I know of at least 1 refund check that was sent to that address, but because of this issue, none of it is coming through - they won't release it at this point without either an executor or a notarized statement between me & this granddaughter saying there is no issue. She won't sign it & I won't sign it unless the other 3 siblings say they want the mail to go to her - I don't think she has any right or need for the mail! If I was to get it, I would try to use all refunds to pay off the balance of the bills from my mom's home. If she was to get it, I am sure she would use it for her own wants & say to heck with my mom's bills. The other 3 siblings have not said they want it to go to her!
But I realized that in February I did not get the mortgage statement! I called about it & found that even though it had been changed to my address previously & when I got it, I always redirected it to this granddaughter, she had had them change it to her address! A part of me wants to make an issue of that - first off, she stopped the rest of my mom's mail, so why should she be able to get this mail! And another part of me takes issue at her being able to change something that was addressed to my address to her own - even though supposedly she is paying it. So far I have said that I won't contest it, but a part of me wants to contest it & tell her that if she will release the rest of the mail, then she can keep this going to her house. I have told the mortgage company that I will not pay any of the payments, but that I want to be notified if she fail to make the payments! They have told me that if she fails to make 2 payments, they will start repossession on the house.
Personally, if it were one of my children creating these issues I would be stepping in & telling them they had to stop, straighten it out & keep themselves out of something that was none of their concern. But my sister has never forced her children to do anything they don't want & that is the biggest thing that is frustrating me! I just feel so frustrated that no one is telling her where to get off! And really, they aren't the ones dealing with the issues that she has created. Just this week, I got a collection agency letter about a payday loan for $600 that they say is severely overdue. Well, because of the mail stoppage, I hadn't even known about the payday loan! How the collection agency got my address to mail this directly to my address in my mom's name, I don't know, but they did. This item in particular has brought it to a point that I know my mom's bills are not all going to be paid! Which means that the companies that are owed the money will not be really absorbing the costs - they will pass it on to everyone else that they deal with! But since I am not willing to pay more than $3,000 until all 3 of my siblings have also each paid $3,000 & at this point I have only gotten $20 from 1 of my siblings - there is no chance! I have just under $300 and am waiting on $43 from the car insurance company who mailed 1 check to my mom's address, but were supposed to stop payment on that check & reissue it to be mailed to me & then I can pay the gas, water, telephone & cellphone bills. The electric has already gone to collections & after I called to tell them that she was dead, they haven't contacted me anymore for it.
The niece's s/o has made comments about how he would like to punch me in the face if he ever sees me out anywhere (my lawyer has notes on that!) and they have made comments about how it is all my fault that they are having all these financial issues, I think the gas pipes is one more thing where this niece is being given a major lesson in homeownership & biting the hand that tries to help you! And even though I know they will add this to the list of why they hate me, I don't care! She will never get another chance at being a part of my life!
And to add to the drama - she has found out that she is expecting her 3rd child! He doesn't work. She doesn't work (worked 2 days at Wal-mart & quit!) Don't have any idea where they are getting their money & really don't want to know since I am sure it is illegal. I am sure some is coming from the state since they aren't married. And like I told my sister yesterday - after my sister said she didn't need to be having another child - I have my own opinions of having babies & maturity - but I will keep those to myself! But I do think she is reaping what she has sewn!
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